How goes it?
I’m writing from the Kindle again and I have no patience for this thing’s exuberant and downright sly use of auto correct, but I will spare you further griping on that point. *deep breaths*
Let’s do this.
Now don’t laugh, but, over the years I have gained a small and random assortment of “followers”, most of whom I assume don’t read any of what I post here and only added this blog to gain a reciprocal follower and boost their own stats. However I am still kind of creeped out by the possibility that one or more of these weird people do read which is stupid because –hello! — this is the internet already, Liz. If you don’t want people to know stuff about you, obviously you need to rethink the whole blogger persona you’ve got going on here! Anyway when I start to write random updates like the one I’m planning to draw up here, I imagine this post appearing in some more intelligent/articulate/ writerish person’s feed and start getting a little bit insecure about my writing and content and whatever and it puts a damper on my enthusiasm. I know. Stupid. Not sure why I felt the need to share that.
Now that school has begun I am in that mode where the stuff I used to do during school time, like clean, gets bumped to another time slot and my whole internal rhythm is shot to heck. Lately, there is a sure place for doing schoolwork during the bulk of the first part of the day but then everything else feels like it is piled onto my task list haphazardly until I am out of energy and call it quits. I am ending more days with an unsatisfied feeling because I don’t quite have enough energy during the second part of the day to complete all of the stuff I used to do during the first part of the day. And if I manage to do everything, then I don’t have the energy to finish the day on a good note. For example, it’s 11p.m. right now and there are dirty dinner dishes on my table and I simply too “done” to clean them.
Why don’t kitchens clean themselves again?
Long story short, there is a total lack of balance going on in my life! Things are a mess! I am not confident that there is much of a solution to this imbalance within the parameters of our current situation. Teaching your kids at home takes time and energy. Time and energy are finite resources. I guess maybe the best hope for positive change is in better prioritizing my life?
Gosh, I am too tired to prioritize.
I am not regretting our decision to homeschool this year though. Just trying to make peace with its effect on the rest of life as we know it. I am trying to find time to blog and get a break and all of that. Raising four kids and making it all work is challenging.
It’s funny, I don’t think we have a big family but I do have to remind myself that “normal” in today’s society is much more reflective of a one or two children than it is of a family of four. Maybe I have internalized an unrealistic normal and am sabotaging doable standards by reaching for unrealistic ones. Should I put school, cooking, and cleaning on the schedule and relegate everything else to the margins?
Honestly, I don’t really know.